2) Make up artist uses Dior products, and because she doesn't speak any English, she has complete creative license over your face. For me this was a good thing - purple smokey eye and juicy tube gloss. For my 60 year old mom this meant hair and lash extensions which made her look like Miss Texas 1975.
3) The make up artist also helps you into your dress. Why would I need help getting into a dress you ask? Because it includes getting into a lovely invention called an Un-bra. She tells me to bend over (doesn't even buy me dinner first!!), adheres these 2-inch thick silicone things to my nei neis and clips them together to create cleavage. She then gets out a roll of DUCT TAPE and proceeds to tape around my torso until my A cups are touching my chin.
4) You are not only allowed to drink and smoke while getting your hair done for the wedding, it's encouraged. Picture me and 6 Taiwanese chicks sipping Taiwan Beers through a straw and smoking Marlboro Golds while being doused with hairspray and Evian facial mist.
5) 13 course dinner. That's right,13. Not only did I eat shark fin soup, I enjoyed abalone (illegal in Canada) and at least a dozen other critters in various forms and flavours. Thankfully in Taiwan it's actually rude to finish your food because it means that your host hasn't provided enough for you so I didn't need to bullime or anything.
6) Fun and games, such as writing wishes to the bride and groom and dropping them in a jar. Later on, the Bride gets on the mic and "randomly" draws out three to read aloud and give a prize. At this wedding, the prizes were teddy bears dressed like brides that danced to 'Love Potion Number Nine'
7) Bridesmaids and Groomsmen are given important responsibilities. Annie, the other bridesmaid, was in charge of the rings. Top Secret: Ruby's ring got dropped somewhere around the Seven Dwarfs and a magic tree on the way to the alter and we had to get an assistant who looked like an Asian Ringo Star to find it. Gavin, a groomsman, was in charge of Jesse's dogs all night. Not such a problem at an outdoor venue, except when you consider that they're both rescued street dogs surrounded by food and small children. It was my responsibility to walk down the aisle arm in arm with Gavin while holding one of these dogs and wearing a huge dress and five inch heels. In the rain. On a bridge over a pool. With 200 people taking photos. Later on I was also in charge of handing out balloons. :-D
8) If you like Maury Povich you would love this wedding. A hostess on a mic introduces you (in Mandarin and English) as you walk down the aisle and everyone cheers. Then the bride and groom come down and everyone goes crazy. Then they say "I do" and everyone cheers. Then they both say a speech to each other's parents and everyone does the "aaaaw" and cheers.
9) The bride wears three outfits: wedding dress, cutting the cake dress and farewell thanks for coming dress. At first I thought this was ludicrous but now realize it's brilliant. While everyone is mowing down their 13 courses, the bride gets to hang out in the make up chair drinking, smoking and eating sushi completely avoiding the stressful shit show that is your own wedding. Then she comes out and cuts some cake, then runs away to hide again. This also allows the groom to get completely batshit drunk which leads me to my final and favourite part...
10) Drinking. So. Much. Drinking. Dad, Mom, Jesse, Ruby, Ruby's parents walk around to each table thanking them for coming and have a toast... and everyone drinks juice except for Jesse who slams a glass of red wine for each table. Taiwanese folks are really into cheers and introductions so someone will want to try out their English and introduce you to someone and you say cheers. Times 200 people. This means that more than half the people at the wedding become "That Guy" and "That Girl", a role normally reserved for only a few people at a typical Canadian wedding. By the end of the night my brother couldn't stand and I was surrounded by sweaty disgusting white business men and plastered Asian hotties posing for lewd pictures in the Disney Kingdom - it was like the most horrific and fun wedding-themed trip ever.
Love it! Sounds like a sweet-ass start to your trip.
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