Bombed out of our minds, Alex and I stand shivering in our short shorts under a cut-up sheet of yellow plastic that used to be a rain poncho. We're standing on the steps of the Australia National Treasury near Parliament House wearing our green and blue wigs and it's pissing rain. We're attempting to flee the Foreshore festival and get to a warm house party; the phone number for the taxis is busy, the lineup for cabs is more than an hour long. Alex's pretty blue eyes look at me and say, "Fuck, we're stuck Anna."
Rewind to 24ish hours before and Ryan is dropping me off at the bus stop in Albion Park. It's pissing rain, as it has been for the past 4 days, and as he keeps me company in the warm truck we see the Murray bus fly by 15 minutes before it's due to depart. Wtf.
We head over to the actual bus stop and stand in the pouring rain and the post man comes by on his scooter and tells us we've just missed the bus. I'm a bit of a stickler when it comes to being early for flights, buses etc. so this pisses me off a bit. While Ryan is getting on the phone with the bus company, a young girl gets dropped off by her mum and kindly shares her umbrella with me. And then another bus comes by and actually stops, the driver collecting my name and luggage like nothing weird is going on whatsoever. And this is how I leave for Canberra.
Macquarie Pass is terrifying, like Cathedral Grove only the narrow winding road through the massive forrest is scaling a cliff. Last year, when I came down the pass it seemed like a magical sunny eucalyptus-scented wonderland. Going up the pass in the torrential rain reminded me of that scene from Bram Stoker's Dracula where Keanu is taking a terrifying carriage through Transylvania to the count's castle and it's all doom and gloom. Some of you may know that I don't do well with heights and cliffs and things so when the bus started backing up towards the edge to manoever a hairpin turn in the road you can imagine my white-knuckled horror.
Past the pass, the bus ride was pleasant and quiet and when I arrived in downtown Canberra Alex came down from work to meet me and pick up my bags. She wasn't off work for another two hours so me and my copy of In a Sunburned Country had lunch together; fresh perch, salad and a glass of white for $18 and it was so so soooooo good. :-)
Alex and I meet up, zip around the mall looking for rain ponchos for the festival tomorrow. It's been raining for 5 days straight and had no indication of stopping anytime soon. So we head to Big W (Aussie Wal Mart) - sold out of ponchos. We call Bunnings (Aussie Home Depot) - sold out of ponchos AND gum boots. As a last minute idea we run downstairs through the massive mall and head to the dollar store - a fresh shipment will arrive in 5 minutes. I call this Lucky Strike #1.
Armed with our blue and yellow ponchos for $2.50, we grab groceries and a movie (Dear John, super mushy romance but not too bad!) and head to her parent's house. We drive past the airport... and past the small town of Queenbeyan... and into the bush... and we start seeing rolling hills and kangaroos hopping around... and 20 minutes later we get to her farm. This place is gorgeous. Alpacas, chooks (Aussie chickens), horses, koi pond, beautiful newly-renovated farm house - heaven.
I awake at 7am to the sound of terrifying pounding rain. Most houses in Aus have tin roofs so the sound of the rain is very soothing, except this morning when we are headed to an outdoor music festival and it`s hammering down like the wrath of Thor. We make a giant omelette, shower, do makeup all the while pretending there's nothing wrong with what's going on outside; we put on the green and blue wigs I scored in Hong Kong and do final touches... and then we step outside and it's sunny and 30 degrees. WTF. I call this Lucky Strike #2.
Drive an hour to a pre-party at her friend Jamie's house where 30 or so people are already way way way into it. It's 11am. I crack into the cans of Canadian Club (pre-mixed whisky and dry (ginger ale)) and make friends with the group, helping a sweet young chubby dude do up his yellow bra, he's so excited it's his first ever music festival. I instantly bond with the girls as they make preparations to bring party favours into the festival in very intimate and horrific ways. For the faint of heart I'll make some serious edits here and just skip to when we all jump into a massive number of cabs.
On Parliament Lawn there is usually an ongoing camp of Aboriginees protesting land rights; on this particular day this had somehow been displaced by a far more "savage" gathering - thousands of wasted twenty-somethings. Cops, security dogs, girls dressed like trailer-prostitues, shirtless chumps in neon short shorts - everywhere.
We're herded through three checkpoints and enter the festival. Quick stop at the free sunscreen tent, then the bar for double orders of bundy cans (Coke and Bundaberg rum) and we're off to see Raw City, a Run DMC-style band. Several members are part of Alex's crew so we all chill there and kick things off. LMFAO was also playing during this time slot on another stage so it was kind of nice to mostly have the area to ourselves to enjoy the local group. Rad remix of Daft Punk's Technologic and a dancing robot comes out with some sick dance moves.
Fast forward and we're watching Salt and Pepa, but this large and in charge lesbian lady starts getting all up on Alex's situation so we quickly flee, then run into some people and get distracted and take off. I discover later that yellow-bra-boy got up on stage and dry humped Pepa. Not bad for your first festival.
Fast forward again and we're watching Armin Van Burin. At this stage Alex and I are well on it and dancing up a storm, run into some of her friends who are off their dials and say they want to head to the toilet. So we wander some more, watching her funny friends drunkenly peck at each other. Run into AJ, the lead rapper or whatever from Raw City. "Wigs!" he exclaims, and we all have a chill on the grass together, go for a wander, stroll over to the games area where there's all these carney-type stalls set up. Knock down the bottles win a prize etc. etc. Now, Australians love to gamble so I half expected this or some kind of pokeys (slot machines) but AJ hooks into it and wins - his choice of $5 or a stuffed snake. Stuffed snake of course!!
It's 4pm-ish and it starts to rain a little so we head to this tiki-party tent thing for bevvies. And then it starts to really rain, but then it stops. We head back out and I feel petting on my head. I was a bit used to it by this point as we'd been getting ogled and groped and complimented and requested for photos all day. However, it turns out this particular gentleman decides to rip my green wig off the top of my head, multiple hair pins and all. Before I know it I've buried my knee thigh-deep in this guy's groin and he's writhing on the ground while the crowd goes wild. Kung fu Chris would be so proud. :-)
Making a quick escape Alex and I flee to another tent while AJ splits off with another group. And then it really really starts raining. We dance to some kind of drum-and-bass nonsense for a bit and feel the crowd behind us swelling, realizing that the weather won't be changing any time soon. Alex gets a text from AJ that's he's taking off and headed to an after party. We contemplate toughing it out for a bit but decide to get warm and dry at a house party vs. derive our heat Emperor Penguin-style by huddling against the masses.
Fleeing to the Chlamydia testing tent, I tear along the side seam of my yellow rain poncho, as the blue one was used earlier as a picnic blanket against the mud. We now have a rain cover fort for two - kind of. I feel at this point I should clearly illustrate that a) We still had green and blue wigs on, b) We were wearing shorts, runners and thin shirts, c) We had no idea where to go to get a cab, d) The rain is biblical and, very appropriately, e) We were smashed.
And so there we are, in front of the Treasury, trying to think our way ahead of the thousands of others just like us who are cold, wet, wasted and trying to escape the festival via cab. And we did it.
I say to Alex and her Kalaedoscope eyes that we're going to walk to the city to try to get a cab there and we can stop in shops along the way to warm up. Huddled under our flimsy yellow tarp we start walking. As the wind blows it kind of smothers our faces, like how you tell kids not to play with plastic bags, and I'm vaguely amused by this when we come upon a couple people from the house earlier this morning. A very cold pale girl is shivering with a dude who is wearing the bottom half of the Raw City robot costume and a guy with his back to us is on the phone cursing like a sailor. Apparently his name is Toddy and he's on the phone with his mum trying to get a lift. We step a bit closer like a couple of rain-soaked crows and try to get in on this situation like it's a fresh bag of garbage.
In hindsight I'd like to refer to this gentleman as Hot Toddy. Not because he was attractive, but because he was a solution to the cold November rain like a warm cinnamon beverage. But mostly because he had a raging hot terrifying temper. After listening to a string of terrifying verbal abuse against his mum, I look at Alex and say "lets walk to the city" and we get moving. And, as we're heading to the same house party, Toddy follows... only that's not exactly the right word as he's walking in front of us in a blind rage.
Cabs continue to fly past us, headed to the masses waiting in line further up the street, until Toddy grabs two pineapple notes out of his wallet ($100) and stands in front of a cab at an intersection. And it stops. And lets us in. Basking in the warm dry apholstry, we cruise away like Indiana Fucking Jones as the cops are yelling behind us about taking down the cab number and fining the driver. We all laugh triumphantly and get warm... I call this Lucky Strike #3.
We're off to Jamie's house to pick up our overnight bags, Toddy going to pick up his grog (booze) and he gets his mum to come pick us up so she can give us a ride to the afterparty - Lucky Strike #4.
The lady who came to pick us up, Toddy's mum, was pretty much Eric Cartman's mum from South Park... only with an Australian accent. Alex and I, still reeling and shivering, quietly sit in the back as Toddy has a full on rager in the front seat and his mum chirps along happy as a turtledove. We tell her we'll keep an eye on Toddy for her and she looks just so ecstatc.
We arrive at the house party at around 8pm, and I use the term house party pretty loosely here. Yes there's several young people gathered at the same place, and there's beverages and chatting... but we were all dressed in various forms of pajamas and athletic wear (Alex and I apparently the only people who had the foresight to pack a pair of jeans)... and they're all huddling together for warmth and chain smoking... and also still completely zonked out on whatever they've been rolling on all day.
I shit you not, this state remained exactly the same for about 5 hours. People got up to fix drinks etc. etc. some of the Raw City folks were spinning records jumping around in their underwear, but for the most part the ladies I was sitting with just kind of sat around with spiral eyes like on Looney Tunes. As for the boys...
While we're sitting around, the boys play spin the bottle... except when it lands on a chick they quickly move it over to a dude and go over and start pashing (passionate kiss). This goes on for like an hour, and dudes are running around in their underwear and humping walls and each other... but completely leaving the hens alone. It kind of reminded me of Ryan's dog Jimmy when he gets excited about going in the truck or something and he starts humping the air.
Around 1pm the party kind of tapers out and I'm wondering where the hell we're going to sleep... and of course Toddy offers us up the couches!! Lucky Strike #5. When he calls the cab, he actually just calls one of his friends who's a cab driver and gets a price quote on the phone which is a little weird. I sleepily and cheerfully offer a pineapple note to him and he smiles and declines, going outside to wait for the ride so Alex and I can stay warm on the couch. As this happens his buddy laughs at us and says, ``don`t give him any cash! He`s a fucking dealer, he can shout it!`` aaaaaaaaaah. I see.
On the way home Toddy angrily tells the driver that he`s shown up late and the guy profusely apologises, so now he has to take us through the McDonald`s drive through because the girls are hungry. Ok. Alex and Toddy get cheeseburgers and I order a hot apple pie - working nights at McDs teaches you to never, ever order meat after 9pm. She says there`s a wait on the apple pie, would I like an sundae. And Toddy explodes. ``You fucking `ranger (Orangutan, ginger, red haired person) bitch. Get in there and do your fucking job`` And the poor girl goes to make me a sundae and tells me to have a nice evening with a face like a deflated balloon.
As we get to Toddy`s house, he`s going off to us about how all his friends use him for money and he had this fiancee and she just used him for money etc. etc. ... as he forks over another note to pay for the cab. We get into the house, which is a duplex, and it`s really well decorated with new furnishings. Toddy takes time to show us his two mastiffs, the (expensive) Foxtel channels, and sets us up on the couches... it's very clear to me now that Toddy takes care of the bills around here, especially when he paid for the cab and had a fist full of notes that I'd seriously estimate at a few thousand bucks.
How here's the really weird part: after he shoes me and Alex around the house and the couches we're sleeping on.... he leaves us alone and goes to his room to sleep.
Now lets be honest here and look at the facts: I learn this gentleman has some cash to throw around and is a psychopath with serious rage issues, and yes, Alex and I made the decision to sleep at his house. Call me an idiot, but I somehow knew since he got us that cab that he wouldn`t try to beat-rape us. Maybe he smelled that Alex and I were girlfriends (although to other dudes who we completely failled to mention the entire day) and he just wanted companionship. Maybe he lost his nerve at the last minute or something. Maybe he`s just a big scary mastiff with a loud bark that just wants to sniff butts. Who knows.
What I do know is that Toddy single-handedly saved me and Alex multiple times that day and thank him for his kindness.... even though we were the only people he was kind to that day.
The next morning his mum drives us to Jamie`s to collect the cars; she says she has a brother in Canada and asks me if I know anyone by the last name of Roberts. What a sweet lady. :-) We give Toddy hugs and thank him for being our champion. And with a wink and a "no worries" he's gone and Alex and I cruise back to her farm in Burra.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
So This is What You Call A Blinder
Ok ok, so Ryan and I haven't been totally chilling out here, we got on it pretty hard the other night. Sunday night.
There's a big Convoy for Kids event that takes place every year here - all the big trucks and work trucks and rigs do a big parade and donate money for sick kids to go to camp. Trucks are known as "the life-blood of Australia" so this is quite a patriotic thing as well. So I was more than happy to get up at 7am to sit on the side of the road for 3 hours to watch various trucks go by. :-/ hahaha it wasn't that bad, it was pretty fun and Ryan was taking tons of photos.... :-P
After the convoy, all the pubs in the area have parties to get even more donations going on - donation jars at the bar, buy Convoy beer coolers. We headed to Windang Pub where there was a jumpy castle for the kids and a few local bands playing, including, as Ryan tells me, "the lead singer of Porcelain and some lesbians, the Costello Brothers".... right. What Ryan didn't tell me was that Windang Pub is full of characters; most of the pubs he's taken me to are full of dudes still in their work clothes and the only chicks there are girlfriends and the odd titty girl on Wednesday afternoons and Friday mornings. This pub, however, was more of the local get-together as Ryan's cousins explained to me. Wow. I'm from a small town and all, but it was like TLCs What Not To Wear times a million. For example:
- If you're wearing a white dress, make sure you wear black undies underneath so everyone can see
- If you find your sun dress is too long, feel free to hike it up and tuck it into your g-string
- If you frequent the tanning beds (And I mean come on, it's Australia, it's not like intense burning sunshine is free) be sure to wear low cut shorts so everyone can see your g-string tanline
- If you bring your TODDLER into the bar, don't let that get in the way of wearing low cut shirts and getting the girls out. Bonus points for hugging your child while smoking.
After a couple hours of exchanging witty banter like this with Ryan's cousins and some of the other gal pals at the bar, I noticed that I was getting pretty tipsy. And it was 3pm. I look over to Ryan who is doing the bobble-head dance while double-fisting schooners of Toohey's New. Then Ellen, a lovely gal pal, asks if I would care to switch to Vodka Lemonades with her.... why not??
Fast forward to 7pm and we are being kicked out as the pub is closing. It's like when the ugly lights come on at the club and everyone's planning the after party, cougars sink their teeth into the jugulars of their young prey, that creepy old guy with the pony tail finally tucks his pack of Winnie Blues into his shirt pocket and takes off. What's that? We're headed to Warilla Pub? Ok sounds good.
Fast forward to 10pm and we are being kicked out as the pub is closing. After several cans of JD and Coke (yes it's in a can here!) we're all feeling pretty loose and limber. There's a rugby team in the back that I've convinced to sing Waltzing Matilda and the Aussie national anthem in exchange for a few bars of Oh Canada. Everyone in the pub is singing and swaying and the bar staff laser me with stink eye as they stack chairs on tables. What's that? We're headed to Wade's house? Ok sounds good.
Fast forward to midnight. We've been drinking in Wade's garage/ man cave for a bit and are having a kind of dance party. ACDC is cranking and all the chicks are dancing, all the oldies from the pub who followed us here are sitting around drinking straight Jack Daniels and smoking stuff, including one lady who tells me she thinks we're soul mates and I can't think of a single reason to disagree. I'm up on the porch watching the old guy from the Simpsons and the Italian guy from the Simpsons pass the bong around... only they both have Aussie accents.
I hear yelling and see that Ryan is wrestling someone in the driveway, I look away, and when I look back several dudes are crowded around him and he's holding the side of his head. "Did ya split it mate?" they ask, but I see no blood on his hand. Apparently he hit his head on the parked trailer; I give his goose egg a kiss and help him up.
I hear splashing and see that the guy Ryan was just wresting is spewing up all over the driveway. I think it's time to go.
We're in the cab, and I look over and Ryan's asleep. I roll the window down and ask him questions in an attempt to resuscitate but all I get is Aussie mumbles that even I can't understand. The cab driver asks me where to and I get to navigate us home for the first time ever. o.O
We've arrived at the shops just down the streets from Ryan's house - success!! He spills out of the cab and proceeds to walk up the street in the best zombie walk I've ever seen. I notice at this point that he's barefoot and make a mental note to retrieve his shoes from Wade's. At this stage I enter the kind of commando-take-care-of-business mode that I get into sometimes when I am extremely pissed, but also happen to be the only person with their hand on the wheel. This is good news for Ryan as he collapses on his parent's driveway.
Leaving my puddle of a prom date on the driveway to marinate into a more quiet drunken state, I try the front door. Locked. Shit. I go back to Ryan and frisk his pockets. I find only the garage door opener and ask repeatedly if this is the only way into the house. Apparently yes. Dammit. I leave Ryan to continue spinning out on the driveway waiting for the eventual outcome to occur, and finally it does. He crawls like a freshwater croc over to the lawn and spews from asshole to breakfast. And again. And again. Quick swish from the water bottle and he's on his feet asking if I'm ready to go inside and go to bed. :-P
I pluck out my eyes and turn in quite easily, but Ryan is in that horrible drunk state where sleep is just not a possibility and you're kind of hungry but you just spewed but you're thirsty but ugggggg - so he proceeds to stomp around the house for 15 minutes and eventually walks back into the room, directly into the fan and falls over. I go to help him up and he tries to stab me with the legs of the fan like it's a jousting stick. I quickly tire of Ryan being so Medieval on my ass and go to bed.
Here's the amazing part - I wasn't even really hungover the next day! However, my partner in crime has decided to abstain from the booze until he's back from the mines hahahahaha And you know what that means - when we get on it in Bali it's going to be like 9/11 times a million.
There's a big Convoy for Kids event that takes place every year here - all the big trucks and work trucks and rigs do a big parade and donate money for sick kids to go to camp. Trucks are known as "the life-blood of Australia" so this is quite a patriotic thing as well. So I was more than happy to get up at 7am to sit on the side of the road for 3 hours to watch various trucks go by. :-/ hahaha it wasn't that bad, it was pretty fun and Ryan was taking tons of photos.... :-P
After the convoy, all the pubs in the area have parties to get even more donations going on - donation jars at the bar, buy Convoy beer coolers. We headed to Windang Pub where there was a jumpy castle for the kids and a few local bands playing, including, as Ryan tells me, "the lead singer of Porcelain and some lesbians, the Costello Brothers".... right. What Ryan didn't tell me was that Windang Pub is full of characters; most of the pubs he's taken me to are full of dudes still in their work clothes and the only chicks there are girlfriends and the odd titty girl on Wednesday afternoons and Friday mornings. This pub, however, was more of the local get-together as Ryan's cousins explained to me. Wow. I'm from a small town and all, but it was like TLCs What Not To Wear times a million. For example:
- If you're wearing a white dress, make sure you wear black undies underneath so everyone can see
- If you find your sun dress is too long, feel free to hike it up and tuck it into your g-string
- If you frequent the tanning beds (And I mean come on, it's Australia, it's not like intense burning sunshine is free) be sure to wear low cut shorts so everyone can see your g-string tanline
- If you bring your TODDLER into the bar, don't let that get in the way of wearing low cut shirts and getting the girls out. Bonus points for hugging your child while smoking.
After a couple hours of exchanging witty banter like this with Ryan's cousins and some of the other gal pals at the bar, I noticed that I was getting pretty tipsy. And it was 3pm. I look over to Ryan who is doing the bobble-head dance while double-fisting schooners of Toohey's New. Then Ellen, a lovely gal pal, asks if I would care to switch to Vodka Lemonades with her.... why not??
Fast forward to 7pm and we are being kicked out as the pub is closing. It's like when the ugly lights come on at the club and everyone's planning the after party, cougars sink their teeth into the jugulars of their young prey, that creepy old guy with the pony tail finally tucks his pack of Winnie Blues into his shirt pocket and takes off. What's that? We're headed to Warilla Pub? Ok sounds good.
Fast forward to 10pm and we are being kicked out as the pub is closing. After several cans of JD and Coke (yes it's in a can here!) we're all feeling pretty loose and limber. There's a rugby team in the back that I've convinced to sing Waltzing Matilda and the Aussie national anthem in exchange for a few bars of Oh Canada. Everyone in the pub is singing and swaying and the bar staff laser me with stink eye as they stack chairs on tables. What's that? We're headed to Wade's house? Ok sounds good.
Fast forward to midnight. We've been drinking in Wade's garage/ man cave for a bit and are having a kind of dance party. ACDC is cranking and all the chicks are dancing, all the oldies from the pub who followed us here are sitting around drinking straight Jack Daniels and smoking stuff, including one lady who tells me she thinks we're soul mates and I can't think of a single reason to disagree. I'm up on the porch watching the old guy from the Simpsons and the Italian guy from the Simpsons pass the bong around... only they both have Aussie accents.
I hear yelling and see that Ryan is wrestling someone in the driveway, I look away, and when I look back several dudes are crowded around him and he's holding the side of his head. "Did ya split it mate?" they ask, but I see no blood on his hand. Apparently he hit his head on the parked trailer; I give his goose egg a kiss and help him up.
I hear splashing and see that the guy Ryan was just wresting is spewing up all over the driveway. I think it's time to go.
We're in the cab, and I look over and Ryan's asleep. I roll the window down and ask him questions in an attempt to resuscitate but all I get is Aussie mumbles that even I can't understand. The cab driver asks me where to and I get to navigate us home for the first time ever. o.O
We've arrived at the shops just down the streets from Ryan's house - success!! He spills out of the cab and proceeds to walk up the street in the best zombie walk I've ever seen. I notice at this point that he's barefoot and make a mental note to retrieve his shoes from Wade's. At this stage I enter the kind of commando-take-care-of-business mode that I get into sometimes when I am extremely pissed, but also happen to be the only person with their hand on the wheel. This is good news for Ryan as he collapses on his parent's driveway.
Leaving my puddle of a prom date on the driveway to marinate into a more quiet drunken state, I try the front door. Locked. Shit. I go back to Ryan and frisk his pockets. I find only the garage door opener and ask repeatedly if this is the only way into the house. Apparently yes. Dammit. I leave Ryan to continue spinning out on the driveway waiting for the eventual outcome to occur, and finally it does. He crawls like a freshwater croc over to the lawn and spews from asshole to breakfast. And again. And again. Quick swish from the water bottle and he's on his feet asking if I'm ready to go inside and go to bed. :-P
I pluck out my eyes and turn in quite easily, but Ryan is in that horrible drunk state where sleep is just not a possibility and you're kind of hungry but you just spewed but you're thirsty but ugggggg - so he proceeds to stomp around the house for 15 minutes and eventually walks back into the room, directly into the fan and falls over. I go to help him up and he tries to stab me with the legs of the fan like it's a jousting stick. I quickly tire of Ryan being so Medieval on my ass and go to bed.
Here's the amazing part - I wasn't even really hungover the next day! However, my partner in crime has decided to abstain from the booze until he's back from the mines hahahahaha And you know what that means - when we get on it in Bali it's going to be like 9/11 times a million.
Sweet Home Illwara
It's mid afternoon here at Ryan's parents' place, I'm looking out over the pool with the raindrops ping-ponging all over it, Lake Illwara in the background with little white caps stirring up from the rising wind. Terrifying little parrot birds are cozying up into the neighbour's Jacaranda tree.... it's very nice here. :-)
After 5ish days of full on intensity in Hong Kong, Ryan and I have had such an amazing couple weeks chilling here at his parents' place. Lisa's on her honeymoon and we've just been plugging away doing not very much at all and loving it. I do the laundry and the dishes, keep the pantry stocked with milk, bread and sausages. Ryan mows the lawn and has been working on all the little fussy fixer upper jobs around the house they've been meaning to get to. And in between all this we head to old friends' houses for a couple beers and a doggie play date, or we go to the pub, or we walk along the lake or head to the beach if it's sunny. Or, if it's rainy and a little windy like today, we curl up with Mum and watch Australia Celebrity Apprentice and she explains to me who everyone is. It's lovely. :-)
Only a couple more days of this though! Ryan is heading off to work in the mines in South Oz for 2 weeks; he's been running around picking up man tools and odds and sods for the trip, setting up Australian bank accounts etc. Got his new fluro (fluorescent) work clothes and soaked it in the pool for two days before hanging it up to dry, just so he wouldn't look like the new kid at school.
And what shall I do while he's away you ask?? This weekend I'm headed to Canberra to check out the Foreshore Music Fest and stay with Ryan's brother's girl Alex for a few days. I'm glad I've already done all the touristy things there (War Museum, Parliament House, National Library) and can just focus on having a blasty blast. After the weekend, I'm heading to Melbourne!!! wheeee!!! I've never been there before and am kind of looking forward to doing a quick weekish stint in the Base Backpacker scene again. The hostel is in Mt. Kilda, the real hipster scene I hear, so I'm packing my converse knock-offs and my party shoes and ready to rock! This time I may try to swing some work-for-accommodation to save a bit of dough... but mostly this is an excellent way to get in with the staff and score some free drinks and fun party hookups. :-)
AND THEN, when Ryan's back from the mines and I'm back from Melbourne - WE'RE GOING TO BALI!! That's right, the Love part of Eat, Pray Love whoooo!!! Amazing surf, pristine beaches, abundant seafood, el cheapo markets galore - it's kind of amazing Ryan and I haven't been there already! Side note, we originally intended to leave the country at this time to tag a couple months onto my time here by applying for a tourist Visa but really what a way to do it hey?
Also I'd like to give a shout out - how awesome is the internet for booking flights?? Not to show off (actually totally showing off) but I scored a bus from here to Canberra, a flight from Canberra to Melbourne, a flight from Melbourne to Sydney, a LIMO from Sydney back here to Mt Warrigal and then return flight to Bali for just under $1000 CAD. Seriously. Ok ok, I can't take full credit, Ryan is super cut-throat and did some digging to find our cheap Bali flight.... and Virgin Air within Australia is ridiculously cheap... but I still feel pretty stoked. :-)
After 5ish days of full on intensity in Hong Kong, Ryan and I have had such an amazing couple weeks chilling here at his parents' place. Lisa's on her honeymoon and we've just been plugging away doing not very much at all and loving it. I do the laundry and the dishes, keep the pantry stocked with milk, bread and sausages. Ryan mows the lawn and has been working on all the little fussy fixer upper jobs around the house they've been meaning to get to. And in between all this we head to old friends' houses for a couple beers and a doggie play date, or we go to the pub, or we walk along the lake or head to the beach if it's sunny. Or, if it's rainy and a little windy like today, we curl up with Mum and watch Australia Celebrity Apprentice and she explains to me who everyone is. It's lovely. :-)
Only a couple more days of this though! Ryan is heading off to work in the mines in South Oz for 2 weeks; he's been running around picking up man tools and odds and sods for the trip, setting up Australian bank accounts etc. Got his new fluro (fluorescent) work clothes and soaked it in the pool for two days before hanging it up to dry, just so he wouldn't look like the new kid at school.
And what shall I do while he's away you ask?? This weekend I'm headed to Canberra to check out the Foreshore Music Fest and stay with Ryan's brother's girl Alex for a few days. I'm glad I've already done all the touristy things there (War Museum, Parliament House, National Library) and can just focus on having a blasty blast. After the weekend, I'm heading to Melbourne!!! wheeee!!! I've never been there before and am kind of looking forward to doing a quick weekish stint in the Base Backpacker scene again. The hostel is in Mt. Kilda, the real hipster scene I hear, so I'm packing my converse knock-offs and my party shoes and ready to rock! This time I may try to swing some work-for-accommodation to save a bit of dough... but mostly this is an excellent way to get in with the staff and score some free drinks and fun party hookups. :-)
AND THEN, when Ryan's back from the mines and I'm back from Melbourne - WE'RE GOING TO BALI!! That's right, the Love part of Eat, Pray Love whoooo!!! Amazing surf, pristine beaches, abundant seafood, el cheapo markets galore - it's kind of amazing Ryan and I haven't been there already! Side note, we originally intended to leave the country at this time to tag a couple months onto my time here by applying for a tourist Visa but really what a way to do it hey?
Also I'd like to give a shout out - how awesome is the internet for booking flights?? Not to show off (actually totally showing off) but I scored a bus from here to Canberra, a flight from Canberra to Melbourne, a flight from Melbourne to Sydney, a LIMO from Sydney back here to Mt Warrigal and then return flight to Bali for just under $1000 CAD. Seriously. Ok ok, I can't take full credit, Ryan is super cut-throat and did some digging to find our cheap Bali flight.... and Virgin Air within Australia is ridiculously cheap... but I still feel pretty stoked. :-)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Lisa's Wedding
Imagine booking your wedding for November 11th 2011 with a small budget. Then a Chinese couple wants to reserve your 11-11-11 date so bad that they offer to pay for half of your wedding, regardless of total cost, just to make you bump to another day. Also, you like big puffy dresses, fancy cars and indoor fireworks. This is exactly what took place last weekend and I had the pleasure of attending. :-)
The day before the wedding (on 11-11-11) there was a rehearsal ceremony at the church for all parents, bridesmaids and groomsen. All weddings are pretty much the same right? Bridesmaids walk up the aisle to the waiting groomsmen, bride walks down the aisle with her dad, "I do I do", kiss the bride - done. For this particular ceremony, held at the Little Flower St. Therese Catholic Church in Wollongong, there were three religious readings, many instances of standing and sitting while the priest read religious parts, a singing performance, four different people lighting symbolic candles as well as multiple twirls and co-ordinated movements of the bride and groom. The rehearsal was a gong show and everyone left that afternoon with mixed feelings of confusion and extreme nerves.
The morning of the wedding Ryan and I awoke to the noise of 6 squealing girls headed to the beauty parlor down the street. Ryan's brother's girlfriend Alex and I are kind of similar low-key anti-wedding chicks and I was so so so grateful to have her as a wingman that day, especially as we headed to get our hair done down the street at 10am and the bride and all 5 bridesmaids were clucking away lacquering themselves up, sipping champagne and smoking outside.
One of the bridesmaids, the groom's sister, was a bit of a glamazon and complaining loudly about how she didn't like her hair or makeup; Ryan's cousin Erin had declined the manicure session earlier in the week and there were group concerns about the colour of her nail polish; the maid of honour, a regular patron of the tanning beds, had massive chunks of skin peeling off her back and chest and had these being camouflaged with cakey makeup; the bride sat in the corner while getting her ringlets done for 2 hours, the image of a silent grinning deer in the headlights. Alex and I quickly left the scene and fled back to the house to get our dresses on.
Ryan's brother Dean was one of 5 groomsmen so while he was getting ready with the other bucks at the grooms' mum's house Ryan, Alex and I headed to the church to set up the bows along the pews and be ready to receive guests, hand out read-along pamphlets for the ceremony and co-ordinate parking before the ceremony at 3:30.
At 3:00pm the groom, nervously pacing outside in the parking lot, received a call saying that the limo had broken down and wouldn't be able to come pick up the bridesmaids. 0.0 Oh. Dear. God. An announcement was made to the waiting relatives and Ryan, always a knight in shining armor in a crisis, thankfully had a case of cold beer in the back of his parent's car and was able to lubricate the situation. Grandpa Scott and lots of uncles and groomsmen laughed it off while enjoying bottles of Toohey's in the church parking lot. I felt rather Australian at this point.
Several phone calls later alternate rides were made available but the bride and the ladies arrived at 4pm to a packed church; I was already seated near the front but I imagine the crap replacement limo being unloaded like a clown car, the girls all in yellow rushing a quick dart in the church parking lot while sprucing up the fritzing bride.
Like how it turns out for most weddings, in the end it was totally fine. The bridesmaids slowly marched down the aisle glowing and beautiful, the bride and her dad walked down the aisle together despite concerns the dress was too puffy for both of them to fit, people cried, the readings were done with minimal stuttering and bows to the cross correctly executed at the appropriate times (including Ryan's! Yay! His mum was a little concerned on that one), candles were lit and no one caught on fire.
Time for the reception!! After nailing a couple beers in the parking lot, we headed to the event centre which was all lit up like high school grad, cakes on display, slushy machines in the corner dispensing purple and orange boozy drinks, spring rolls and tapa plates all around.
First courses were served, then all the bridal party made their entrance to their chosen songs (Thriller by MJ, Let's Dance by Bowie, Black Eyed Peas.... you get the gist). When the bride and groom entered they had a big dip kiss in front of the head table and off went the indoor fireworks. Wow.
More food, lamb and risotto and calamari nom nom nom. Toasts, some very heartfelt, some read mechanically from flash cards, but I think the winner was the peeling maid of honour who shared with all friends and family present how there was always a special connection between her and Lisa, they eyed each other up in school all the time, their first sleep over was magical.... then the best man did his speech, prefacing it with an apology for not having any lesbian stories to share.
Ryan got well pissed and danced like a machine, by 9pm becoming quite the expert at the running man. Many of the dudes present were pretty good dancers, and I had a great time breaking it down in a very PG way with the cousins and aunties. That's the thing about an updo and a dress that's just a bit too tight - reminds you to keep it classy. :-D
Which leads me to my favourite part of the evening - the dance off between the bridesmaids and the groomsmen. As I said before, many of the dudes were pretty good, able to do crowd surfing with just 6 dudes, lots of one leggers and fancy footwork... the bridesmaids on the other hand.... they ended up "winning" with the scariest rump-shaking I've ever seen. Seriously. Peeling maid of honour, well pissed, ended up riding another bridesmaid who was spread eagle laying on the dancefloor, yellow dress hiked way way way up there. Ryan's mum and Dad broke their eye contact with the nude-thonged squatchi on display in front of them and asked me if this kind of thing is popular in Canada. Uh.... no? :-D
All in all the bride was happy with the whole thing, despite some hitches: the fog machine broke down half-way between their romantic first dance and the operator was kicking it loudly for all to see. The whole thing ran late and she didn't get a chance to throw the bouqet or the garter. The limo broke. The dance off. But all in all, she was married, the food was amazing, her dress was a sparkling vision and there wasn't a fight in the parking lot.
The day before the wedding (on 11-11-11) there was a rehearsal ceremony at the church for all parents, bridesmaids and groomsen. All weddings are pretty much the same right? Bridesmaids walk up the aisle to the waiting groomsmen, bride walks down the aisle with her dad, "I do I do", kiss the bride - done. For this particular ceremony, held at the Little Flower St. Therese Catholic Church in Wollongong, there were three religious readings, many instances of standing and sitting while the priest read religious parts, a singing performance, four different people lighting symbolic candles as well as multiple twirls and co-ordinated movements of the bride and groom. The rehearsal was a gong show and everyone left that afternoon with mixed feelings of confusion and extreme nerves.
The morning of the wedding Ryan and I awoke to the noise of 6 squealing girls headed to the beauty parlor down the street. Ryan's brother's girlfriend Alex and I are kind of similar low-key anti-wedding chicks and I was so so so grateful to have her as a wingman that day, especially as we headed to get our hair done down the street at 10am and the bride and all 5 bridesmaids were clucking away lacquering themselves up, sipping champagne and smoking outside.
One of the bridesmaids, the groom's sister, was a bit of a glamazon and complaining loudly about how she didn't like her hair or makeup; Ryan's cousin Erin had declined the manicure session earlier in the week and there were group concerns about the colour of her nail polish; the maid of honour, a regular patron of the tanning beds, had massive chunks of skin peeling off her back and chest and had these being camouflaged with cakey makeup; the bride sat in the corner while getting her ringlets done for 2 hours, the image of a silent grinning deer in the headlights. Alex and I quickly left the scene and fled back to the house to get our dresses on.
Ryan's brother Dean was one of 5 groomsmen so while he was getting ready with the other bucks at the grooms' mum's house Ryan, Alex and I headed to the church to set up the bows along the pews and be ready to receive guests, hand out read-along pamphlets for the ceremony and co-ordinate parking before the ceremony at 3:30.
At 3:00pm the groom, nervously pacing outside in the parking lot, received a call saying that the limo had broken down and wouldn't be able to come pick up the bridesmaids. 0.0 Oh. Dear. God. An announcement was made to the waiting relatives and Ryan, always a knight in shining armor in a crisis, thankfully had a case of cold beer in the back of his parent's car and was able to lubricate the situation. Grandpa Scott and lots of uncles and groomsmen laughed it off while enjoying bottles of Toohey's in the church parking lot. I felt rather Australian at this point.
Several phone calls later alternate rides were made available but the bride and the ladies arrived at 4pm to a packed church; I was already seated near the front but I imagine the crap replacement limo being unloaded like a clown car, the girls all in yellow rushing a quick dart in the church parking lot while sprucing up the fritzing bride.
Like how it turns out for most weddings, in the end it was totally fine. The bridesmaids slowly marched down the aisle glowing and beautiful, the bride and her dad walked down the aisle together despite concerns the dress was too puffy for both of them to fit, people cried, the readings were done with minimal stuttering and bows to the cross correctly executed at the appropriate times (including Ryan's! Yay! His mum was a little concerned on that one), candles were lit and no one caught on fire.
Time for the reception!! After nailing a couple beers in the parking lot, we headed to the event centre which was all lit up like high school grad, cakes on display, slushy machines in the corner dispensing purple and orange boozy drinks, spring rolls and tapa plates all around.
First courses were served, then all the bridal party made their entrance to their chosen songs (Thriller by MJ, Let's Dance by Bowie, Black Eyed Peas.... you get the gist). When the bride and groom entered they had a big dip kiss in front of the head table and off went the indoor fireworks. Wow.
More food, lamb and risotto and calamari nom nom nom. Toasts, some very heartfelt, some read mechanically from flash cards, but I think the winner was the peeling maid of honour who shared with all friends and family present how there was always a special connection between her and Lisa, they eyed each other up in school all the time, their first sleep over was magical.... then the best man did his speech, prefacing it with an apology for not having any lesbian stories to share.
Ryan got well pissed and danced like a machine, by 9pm becoming quite the expert at the running man. Many of the dudes present were pretty good dancers, and I had a great time breaking it down in a very PG way with the cousins and aunties. That's the thing about an updo and a dress that's just a bit too tight - reminds you to keep it classy. :-D
Which leads me to my favourite part of the evening - the dance off between the bridesmaids and the groomsmen. As I said before, many of the dudes were pretty good, able to do crowd surfing with just 6 dudes, lots of one leggers and fancy footwork... the bridesmaids on the other hand.... they ended up "winning" with the scariest rump-shaking I've ever seen. Seriously. Peeling maid of honour, well pissed, ended up riding another bridesmaid who was spread eagle laying on the dancefloor, yellow dress hiked way way way up there. Ryan's mum and Dad broke their eye contact with the nude-thonged squatchi on display in front of them and asked me if this kind of thing is popular in Canada. Uh.... no? :-D
All in all the bride was happy with the whole thing, despite some hitches: the fog machine broke down half-way between their romantic first dance and the operator was kicking it loudly for all to see. The whole thing ran late and she didn't get a chance to throw the bouqet or the garter. The limo broke. The dance off. But all in all, she was married, the food was amazing, her dress was a sparkling vision and there wasn't a fight in the parking lot.
How to Fly
The flight from Hong Kong to Shanghai and Shanghai to Sydney was the best flight travel experience I've had to date! I was nervous to fly with Air China because our flights were so cheap ($2000 CAD to fly Vancouver - Shanghai - Hong Kong - Shanghai - Sydney). This was later compounded when a close lady friend told me her flight with Air China was crap. While I certainly wouldn't describe it as luxurious or even Very Good, I think international flights are kind of like yearly visits to the doctor - completely unpleasant as a rule but completely necessary if you want to keep on keeping on.
I've done 10+ hour flights quite a few times now and consider myself a bit of an expert, so much so that I'm going to lay out my top 5 tips right meow:
1) Pair Up
Whether you're traveling with your Dad or your man friend, I find the devil you know is always preferable. Traveling solo? Find a friend while waiting to board and/ or at the airport bar. This shouldn't be difficult for young folks, and yes, I always recommend talking to strangers when you're traveling.
2) Drink
I heard somewhere that you're more likely to survive a car accident if you're impaired as the body is relaxed and more limber. haha ok that may be complete BS but I really do think having a few is a good way to chill out and just embrace the fact that you're "sitting in a tin can high above the world" for the next 12 hours. If you're Ryan, you'll have 4 Kirin beers at the Shanghai airport and then 4 more on the flight by sweet talking the stewardesses. Warning: this may lead to being so wasted that you're throwing hot hand towels at sleeping people. Seriously. :-/
3) Eat
In a perfect world airplane food would be prepared by Bobby Flay right before your eyes using fresh organic local ingredients. This may exist in first class (who knows what goes on up there really) but most of what I've got is not something I'd call appetizing. Too bad, so sad - eat it. You need the energy and you will be in a very very bitchy mood if you don't eat for 12 hours. Bring your own snacks for sure, but if you've already paid for the crappy airline food the least you can do is use some of it as fuel. Close your eyes and pretend it's something else and your plate will be clean before you can say "here comes the airplane."
PS - On the way to Hong Kong I was pretty turned off by the food. Then on the way to Sydney, after paying to eat street food for a week, I found it totally yummy! Weird.
4) Sleep
Sleeping pills and earplugs. If I'm drinking I only take one pill just on the off chance I get all Uma-Thurman-Pulp-Fiction. Here's a fun trick! Wear a super fluffy hoodie on the day you travel. If you're in Hawaii or Hong Kong or some other warm humid place people will look at you like you're an idiot... until they're wrestling with a shit airline pillow and a flimsy blanket and you have a nice fluffy thing for a flexi pillow. And you know where that thing has been. Aaaand you can fold it all up leaving a sleeve out then flip the sleeve over your eyes for a sleep mask!! oooh glamorous!
5) Bring Your Own Entertainment
If you're flying Air China or any other el cheapo airline you better believe there will be no screen on the back of the seat in front of you. For our flights, Ryan and I were treated to sparsely placed TVs throughout the cabin, some of which had shit colour where half the screen was yellow tones and the other was purple. These screens displayed the flight progress on a map, a nature show on Ostriches (in Chinese with English audio), America's funniest home videos ("") and a crappy movie I'd never heard of (""). This rotated every four hours.... really really glad I brought a book and Ryan bought an FHM.
I've done 10+ hour flights quite a few times now and consider myself a bit of an expert, so much so that I'm going to lay out my top 5 tips right meow:
1) Pair Up
Whether you're traveling with your Dad or your man friend, I find the devil you know is always preferable. Traveling solo? Find a friend while waiting to board and/ or at the airport bar. This shouldn't be difficult for young folks, and yes, I always recommend talking to strangers when you're traveling.
2) Drink
I heard somewhere that you're more likely to survive a car accident if you're impaired as the body is relaxed and more limber. haha ok that may be complete BS but I really do think having a few is a good way to chill out and just embrace the fact that you're "sitting in a tin can high above the world" for the next 12 hours. If you're Ryan, you'll have 4 Kirin beers at the Shanghai airport and then 4 more on the flight by sweet talking the stewardesses. Warning: this may lead to being so wasted that you're throwing hot hand towels at sleeping people. Seriously. :-/
3) Eat
In a perfect world airplane food would be prepared by Bobby Flay right before your eyes using fresh organic local ingredients. This may exist in first class (who knows what goes on up there really) but most of what I've got is not something I'd call appetizing. Too bad, so sad - eat it. You need the energy and you will be in a very very bitchy mood if you don't eat for 12 hours. Bring your own snacks for sure, but if you've already paid for the crappy airline food the least you can do is use some of it as fuel. Close your eyes and pretend it's something else and your plate will be clean before you can say "here comes the airplane."
PS - On the way to Hong Kong I was pretty turned off by the food. Then on the way to Sydney, after paying to eat street food for a week, I found it totally yummy! Weird.
4) Sleep
Sleeping pills and earplugs. If I'm drinking I only take one pill just on the off chance I get all Uma-Thurman-Pulp-Fiction. Here's a fun trick! Wear a super fluffy hoodie on the day you travel. If you're in Hawaii or Hong Kong or some other warm humid place people will look at you like you're an idiot... until they're wrestling with a shit airline pillow and a flimsy blanket and you have a nice fluffy thing for a flexi pillow. And you know where that thing has been. Aaaand you can fold it all up leaving a sleeve out then flip the sleeve over your eyes for a sleep mask!! oooh glamorous!
5) Bring Your Own Entertainment
If you're flying Air China or any other el cheapo airline you better believe there will be no screen on the back of the seat in front of you. For our flights, Ryan and I were treated to sparsely placed TVs throughout the cabin, some of which had shit colour where half the screen was yellow tones and the other was purple. These screens displayed the flight progress on a map, a nature show on Ostriches (in Chinese with English audio), America's funniest home videos ("") and a crappy movie I'd never heard of (""). This rotated every four hours.... really really glad I brought a book and Ryan bought an FHM.
Monday, November 14, 2011
My Recommendations for Hong Kong Travel: A Series of Dos and Do Nots
Here's what I wish I knew before I went to Hong Kong.... and maybe some things I suspected and then had confirmed for me in a very real way.
DO travel with another person. Espeically if you're a chick and/ or are North American and/ or it's your first time in Asia. Hong Kong is a bumping city with lots going on and 2 sets of eyes barely seem like enough to take it all in.
DO NOT make too much fuss about booking a room in advance, unless you like things that are clean and safe. In which case you should probably do these things. There was a conference in town during the time we were visiting which prevented us from getting a room in any of the Central or Kowloon hotels. As for transportation, same rule applies! Yes the bus is cheap, but the driving is absolutely terrifying, and the experience is only compounded by sitting in the upper floor of a double decker. You know the driving is nuts when Aussie is white knuckled on the holy shit handle. MTR subway system is even more cheap, and as a bonus you get to snuggle lots of new friends!!! :-P
DO your best to try new food. In fact, I challenge anyone to be in Hong Kong for 4 nights and NOT eat something completely new because this is impossible. Unless you're super loaded I suppose and can afford to eat at the genuine Itallian restaurants, or can sleep with yourself at night knowing you flew a bijillion miles to eat KFC and McDs. Street food is great!!! Bacon wrapped hot dog things on a stick, amazing calamari on a stick, bag full of spicy chicken/ duck bits... which leads me to my next point...
DO NOT expect to be accommodated if you are any breed of veggiesaurus. Meat. Everywhere.
DO buy an extra suitcase to bring gifts and souvenirs! Especially gifts for yourself because clothes are CHEAP!! Aussie is kicking himself for not buying more board shorts or t shirts; actual Billabong shorts with wax comb and all for $10 CAD, t shirts for like $4.
DO NOT let the scariness of Hong Kong scare you. Ok, the massive crowds everywhere all the time put me into hyperventilation multiple times and I'm not even claustrophobic. So do most of your walking around in the morning when stuff is closed and no one's out. Yes, the dude putting handfuls of pork on your rice just wiped his eyes and nose before doing your order. Take acidophilus, bring pepto, drink tea, it's probably fine. Probably.
When people ask about our trip here at first Ryan was spouting off tons of negatives: "it's crazy! it's busy! I never want to eat Chinese food again! pollution!" Then a few days later, perhaps once we were over the novelty of quiet and fresh air of the Illwara, he was telling everyone to go there because it's easy to do it on the cheap and it's a blowout. You should go there!
DO travel with another person. Espeically if you're a chick and/ or are North American and/ or it's your first time in Asia. Hong Kong is a bumping city with lots going on and 2 sets of eyes barely seem like enough to take it all in.
DO NOT make too much fuss about booking a room in advance, unless you like things that are clean and safe. In which case you should probably do these things. There was a conference in town during the time we were visiting which prevented us from getting a room in any of the Central or Kowloon hotels. As for transportation, same rule applies! Yes the bus is cheap, but the driving is absolutely terrifying, and the experience is only compounded by sitting in the upper floor of a double decker. You know the driving is nuts when Aussie is white knuckled on the holy shit handle. MTR subway system is even more cheap, and as a bonus you get to snuggle lots of new friends!!! :-P
DO your best to try new food. In fact, I challenge anyone to be in Hong Kong for 4 nights and NOT eat something completely new because this is impossible. Unless you're super loaded I suppose and can afford to eat at the genuine Itallian restaurants, or can sleep with yourself at night knowing you flew a bijillion miles to eat KFC and McDs. Street food is great!!! Bacon wrapped hot dog things on a stick, amazing calamari on a stick, bag full of spicy chicken/ duck bits... which leads me to my next point...
DO NOT expect to be accommodated if you are any breed of veggiesaurus. Meat. Everywhere.
DO buy an extra suitcase to bring gifts and souvenirs! Especially gifts for yourself because clothes are CHEAP!! Aussie is kicking himself for not buying more board shorts or t shirts; actual Billabong shorts with wax comb and all for $10 CAD, t shirts for like $4.
DO NOT let the scariness of Hong Kong scare you. Ok, the massive crowds everywhere all the time put me into hyperventilation multiple times and I'm not even claustrophobic. So do most of your walking around in the morning when stuff is closed and no one's out. Yes, the dude putting handfuls of pork on your rice just wiped his eyes and nose before doing your order. Take acidophilus, bring pepto, drink tea, it's probably fine. Probably.
When people ask about our trip here at first Ryan was spouting off tons of negatives: "it's crazy! it's busy! I never want to eat Chinese food again! pollution!" Then a few days later, perhaps once we were over the novelty of quiet and fresh air of the Illwara, he was telling everyone to go there because it's easy to do it on the cheap and it's a blowout. You should go there!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Hong Kong Gong Show
Imagine ripping along the highway through Hong Kong at 2am in a broken-ass Toyota Comfort. Buzzing past the massive sky scrapers of Hong Kong's Central district at 140km an hour, your bags are crammed into the trunk held together with a bungee strap and you're in a cab with your Aussie man friend and 2 random Swedish girls gripping the holy shit handle for dear life. The driver repeats "Happy hour! Happy hour!" and you're wondering if your travel insurance covers kidnapping. Although the sign in the airport bathroom discouraged accepting rides from unidentified strangers, after 34 hours of straight travel Aussie and I were beyond giving a shit.
Hold on a second, Mr Ken is at the door inquiring about the status of Ryan's suit fitting. Mr Ken is one of the helpful street gentleman that will bend over backwards to line you up with a suit, a restaurant, lady's handbag excellent price, all of which can be found at the Mirador Mansion where we are staying.
Just down the street on Nathan Rd. is where we spent last night, at the Chung King Mansion. As we stepped out of the cab, the driver encouraged us towards the scariest looking building ever and told us we'll get the best price at one of these "inns". A gentleman so conveniently saw us step out of the cab with our giant luggage with fresh airport tags and whisked us up to his guest suite on the 11th floor where we could stay for a special price for $300 HKD ($39 CAD). And so, exhausted and so over it, we accepted and stayed in the scariest establishment I have ever seen in my life:
After our sleep/ semi-coma Aussie and I got on the mission to find a new nest pronto. After going through the Lonely Planet guide and striking out at a dozen different hotels, we decided to take to the streets. We started at the top of the Chung King Mansion and worked our way down from the 15th floor to the 8th, also striking out at every floor. Shit.
We then decided to go get breakfast, as that tends to fix most things, and sure enough it did. On the street we met Mr. Ken - a slight Indonesian (?) man who speaks great English, Mandarin and Cantonese and is probably a pimp. At least the pimp of the Mirador Mansion. I suspect he wears a wig and right off the bat he kind of reminded me of Norman, one of my favourite customers at the bookstore. Mr. Ken asked us if we were looking for a room and took us upstairs to a suite - cleaner than the one we were in but still not that great. After stopping at a few different spots he took us to the Satisfy Guest House, where I am now writing from:
Clean, glorious clean!!!! Air conditioning!! A view!! Doesn't look like a murder scene!! We negotiated the rate with the owner, Miss Lee, down to $550 HKD ($70 CAD) per night and will happily be staying here for the remainder of our time in Hong Kong. Phew!
So after getting nested, we walked around a bit, talked to a few different dudes about getting a suit made for Ryan, checked out Kowloon Park and the water front - all is well!! Making plans to check out Central tomorrow for views and brews. Everything is so busy, so fast, so jam packed with people it's nuts!!! Considering this is his first go in Asia, I'm very happy to say Aussie is doing just fine, joking around with everyone we meet and way into it. And I got a new dress at H&M for $7 Canadian dollars. Eff yes. :-D
Hold on a second, Mr Ken is at the door inquiring about the status of Ryan's suit fitting. Mr Ken is one of the helpful street gentleman that will bend over backwards to line you up with a suit, a restaurant, lady's handbag excellent price, all of which can be found at the Mirador Mansion where we are staying.
Just down the street on Nathan Rd. is where we spent last night, at the Chung King Mansion. As we stepped out of the cab, the driver encouraged us towards the scariest looking building ever and told us we'll get the best price at one of these "inns". A gentleman so conveniently saw us step out of the cab with our giant luggage with fresh airport tags and whisked us up to his guest suite on the 11th floor where we could stay for a special price for $300 HKD ($39 CAD). And so, exhausted and so over it, we accepted and stayed in the scariest establishment I have ever seen in my life:
After our sleep/ semi-coma Aussie and I got on the mission to find a new nest pronto. After going through the Lonely Planet guide and striking out at a dozen different hotels, we decided to take to the streets. We started at the top of the Chung King Mansion and worked our way down from the 15th floor to the 8th, also striking out at every floor. Shit.
We then decided to go get breakfast, as that tends to fix most things, and sure enough it did. On the street we met Mr. Ken - a slight Indonesian (?) man who speaks great English, Mandarin and Cantonese and is probably a pimp. At least the pimp of the Mirador Mansion. I suspect he wears a wig and right off the bat he kind of reminded me of Norman, one of my favourite customers at the bookstore. Mr. Ken asked us if we were looking for a room and took us upstairs to a suite - cleaner than the one we were in but still not that great. After stopping at a few different spots he took us to the Satisfy Guest House, where I am now writing from:
Clean, glorious clean!!!! Air conditioning!! A view!! Doesn't look like a murder scene!! We negotiated the rate with the owner, Miss Lee, down to $550 HKD ($70 CAD) per night and will happily be staying here for the remainder of our time in Hong Kong. Phew!
So after getting nested, we walked around a bit, talked to a few different dudes about getting a suit made for Ryan, checked out Kowloon Park and the water front - all is well!! Making plans to check out Central tomorrow for views and brews. Everything is so busy, so fast, so jam packed with people it's nuts!!! Considering this is his first go in Asia, I'm very happy to say Aussie is doing just fine, joking around with everyone we meet and way into it. And I got a new dress at H&M for $7 Canadian dollars. Eff yes. :-D
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Let the Good Times Roll!!
Whoo back on the road on a new adventure!!! Back on the old HP mini chilling in an airport, about the same thing I was doing this time last year.... some differences though:
2010:
Left on the 7pm Ferry, had dinner in the coastal buffet with Dad and met Harley and Joan at the airport.
2011:
Left on the 7am Ferry, watched the sunrise with Aussie and saw whales on the ferry for the first time ever, arrived with plenty of time to cruise duty free and purchase MAC, booze and maple syrop.
Just like last year, I'll update this thing as often as I can to let pals know where I'm at and what I'm up to.
The flight is like 10 hours or something to Shanghai, I never check the flight times because it just makes you feel bad to have that laid out in front of you. I'd rather already be strapped in before I know what I'm in for, like a roller coaster.
Once we get to Shanghai we have a 4 hr layover to switch plains, stretch legs, eat unusual food and people watch. Ryan is designated in charge of Chinese money, we both feel rather fancy to have three kinds of currency on us. Too bad we forgot the leftover Aussie money at home or we could make it four! :-P
Should probably start reading that Rough Guide to Hong Kong I bought at the bookstore so.... see you in Asia baby!!!
2010:
Left on the 7pm Ferry, had dinner in the coastal buffet with Dad and met Harley and Joan at the airport.
2011:
Left on the 7am Ferry, watched the sunrise with Aussie and saw whales on the ferry for the first time ever, arrived with plenty of time to cruise duty free and purchase MAC, booze and maple syrop.
Just like last year, I'll update this thing as often as I can to let pals know where I'm at and what I'm up to.
The flight is like 10 hours or something to Shanghai, I never check the flight times because it just makes you feel bad to have that laid out in front of you. I'd rather already be strapped in before I know what I'm in for, like a roller coaster.
Once we get to Shanghai we have a 4 hr layover to switch plains, stretch legs, eat unusual food and people watch. Ryan is designated in charge of Chinese money, we both feel rather fancy to have three kinds of currency on us. Too bad we forgot the leftover Aussie money at home or we could make it four! :-P
Should probably start reading that Rough Guide to Hong Kong I bought at the bookstore so.... see you in Asia baby!!!
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