Imagine booking your wedding for November 11th 2011 with a small budget. Then a Chinese couple wants to reserve your 11-11-11 date so bad that they offer to pay for half of your wedding, regardless of total cost, just to make you bump to another day. Also, you like big puffy dresses, fancy cars and indoor fireworks. This is exactly what took place last weekend and I had the pleasure of attending. :-)
The day before the wedding (on 11-11-11) there was a rehearsal ceremony at the church for all parents, bridesmaids and groomsen. All weddings are pretty much the same right? Bridesmaids walk up the aisle to the waiting groomsmen, bride walks down the aisle with her dad, "I do I do", kiss the bride - done. For this particular ceremony, held at the Little Flower St. Therese Catholic Church in Wollongong, there were three religious readings, many instances of standing and sitting while the priest read religious parts, a singing performance, four different people lighting symbolic candles as well as multiple twirls and co-ordinated movements of the bride and groom. The rehearsal was a gong show and everyone left that afternoon with mixed feelings of confusion and extreme nerves.
The morning of the wedding Ryan and I awoke to the noise of 6 squealing girls headed to the beauty parlor down the street. Ryan's brother's girlfriend Alex and I are kind of similar low-key anti-wedding chicks and I was so so so grateful to have her as a wingman that day, especially as we headed to get our hair done down the street at 10am and the bride and all 5 bridesmaids were clucking away lacquering themselves up, sipping champagne and smoking outside.
One of the bridesmaids, the groom's sister, was a bit of a glamazon and complaining loudly about how she didn't like her hair or makeup; Ryan's cousin Erin had declined the manicure session earlier in the week and there were group concerns about the colour of her nail polish; the maid of honour, a regular patron of the tanning beds, had massive chunks of skin peeling off her back and chest and had these being camouflaged with cakey makeup; the bride sat in the corner while getting her ringlets done for 2 hours, the image of a silent grinning deer in the headlights. Alex and I quickly left the scene and fled back to the house to get our dresses on.
Ryan's brother Dean was one of 5 groomsmen so while he was getting ready with the other bucks at the grooms' mum's house Ryan, Alex and I headed to the church to set up the bows along the pews and be ready to receive guests, hand out read-along pamphlets for the ceremony and co-ordinate parking before the ceremony at 3:30.
At 3:00pm the groom, nervously pacing outside in the parking lot, received a call saying that the limo had broken down and wouldn't be able to come pick up the bridesmaids. 0.0 Oh. Dear. God. An announcement was made to the waiting relatives and Ryan, always a knight in shining armor in a crisis, thankfully had a case of cold beer in the back of his parent's car and was able to lubricate the situation. Grandpa Scott and lots of uncles and groomsmen laughed it off while enjoying bottles of Toohey's in the church parking lot. I felt rather Australian at this point.
Several phone calls later alternate rides were made available but the bride and the ladies arrived at 4pm to a packed church; I was already seated near the front but I imagine the crap replacement limo being unloaded like a clown car, the girls all in yellow rushing a quick dart in the church parking lot while sprucing up the fritzing bride.
Like how it turns out for most weddings, in the end it was totally fine. The bridesmaids slowly marched down the aisle glowing and beautiful, the bride and her dad walked down the aisle together despite concerns the dress was too puffy for both of them to fit, people cried, the readings were done with minimal stuttering and bows to the cross correctly executed at the appropriate times (including Ryan's! Yay! His mum was a little concerned on that one), candles were lit and no one caught on fire.
Time for the reception!! After nailing a couple beers in the parking lot, we headed to the event centre which was all lit up like high school grad, cakes on display, slushy machines in the corner dispensing purple and orange boozy drinks, spring rolls and tapa plates all around.
First courses were served, then all the bridal party made their entrance to their chosen songs (Thriller by MJ, Let's Dance by Bowie, Black Eyed Peas.... you get the gist). When the bride and groom entered they had a big dip kiss in front of the head table and off went the indoor fireworks. Wow.
More food, lamb and risotto and calamari nom nom nom. Toasts, some very heartfelt, some read mechanically from flash cards, but I think the winner was the peeling maid of honour who shared with all friends and family present how there was always a special connection between her and Lisa, they eyed each other up in school all the time, their first sleep over was magical.... then the best man did his speech, prefacing it with an apology for not having any lesbian stories to share.
Ryan got well pissed and danced like a machine, by 9pm becoming quite the expert at the running man. Many of the dudes present were pretty good dancers, and I had a great time breaking it down in a very PG way with the cousins and aunties. That's the thing about an updo and a dress that's just a bit too tight - reminds you to keep it classy. :-D
Which leads me to my favourite part of the evening - the dance off between the bridesmaids and the groomsmen. As I said before, many of the dudes were pretty good, able to do crowd surfing with just 6 dudes, lots of one leggers and fancy footwork... the bridesmaids on the other hand.... they ended up "winning" with the scariest rump-shaking I've ever seen. Seriously. Peeling maid of honour, well pissed, ended up riding another bridesmaid who was spread eagle laying on the dancefloor, yellow dress hiked way way way up there. Ryan's mum and Dad broke their eye contact with the nude-thonged squatchi on display in front of them and asked me if this kind of thing is popular in Canada. Uh.... no? :-D
All in all the bride was happy with the whole thing, despite some hitches: the fog machine broke down half-way between their romantic first dance and the operator was kicking it loudly for all to see. The whole thing ran late and she didn't get a chance to throw the bouqet or the garter. The limo broke. The dance off. But all in all, she was married, the food was amazing, her dress was a sparkling vision and there wasn't a fight in the parking lot.
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